Over the years I have found that the most valuable and important lesson I have learned is the importance of finding your purpose in life, or more importantly those things that will drive you forward through your darkest moments of life. When you hold on to your purpose then those dark moments will merely be speed bumps along your journey.
When I was in middle school I would spend hours each day after school thinking about what the best way to kill my self would be. I was constantly driving by my depression, constantly thinking about death. When I was in 8th grade I ran out into the road at night hoping I’d be hit by a car to end my life. I was lucky enough to be with a group of my friends at the time and one of my friends pushed me out of the road just in time. A year after being raped at 16 I found my self in a Mental hospital for threats of Suicide. I’d end up learning many valuable lessons during that week about my self and the issues I faced.
Lesson 1: No matter how bad you think you have it in life someone has it worse.
The biggest lesson I learned during my stay at the Mental Hospital was that no matter how bad I perceived my situation to be there was always someone else worse off then myself who I could help. I was in the Teen ward of the Mental Hospital since I was only 17 my self at the time. I was in there with other kids as young as 13. I’d listen to their stories during our group counselling sessions, some had been struggling with different Mental Conditions since they were little kids. I remember wanting nothing more then to help each of them. As I opened up to them it made my problems seem less important.
Lesson 2: Finding your reason for living.
Remembering that others had it worse off then my self helped me get through life’s trials for a little while but it wasn’t until I gave my self a reason to live that I truly started overcoming my suicidal thoughts. This next breakthrough came a few years later.
I started attending my Mom’s church and our Family was close to our Pastor and his family. His young son for some reason decided to start looking up to me and would follow me around all the time. It got to the point that if people didn’t see him behind me they would ask me where my Shadow was. At that point it hit me that if I were to kill my self it wouldn’t just be my self that it would hurt but it would be those around me who looked up to me and counted on me who I would be hurting as well.
At about the same time my extended family started growing as my cousins started dating/marrying and having kids. I’d babysit the little cousins as I call them and they too started growing attached to me and looking up to me. Now anytime the thought of Suicide even starts coming to me I ask my self a very simple question… How would my actions effect the kids and others around me who love me and look up to me. By doing this I am able to remove the thought of Suicide and it gives me a reason or purpose to want to keep on living.
Conclusion: Finding your purpose
If you are dealing with Suicidal thoughts the most important thing for you to do is find the one thing that you are most passionate about that gives you a reason to want to keep on living. Find your mission in life, set a long term life goal for your self, then hold on tight to it no matter what life throws your way. Every person has a purpose for being here and finding that purpose is the one thing that will see you through every trial and storm you face. Also remember that there is nothing wrong with seeking out help along your journey. There are people, hotlines, and professionals that are more then willing to help you out when you don’t have the strength, will power, or courage to keep on!Click here for reuse options!
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